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The Joker/Quotes

< The Joker
Revision as of 14:00, 7 May 2017 by Revelations72 (Message Wall | contribs) (→‎Challenge Maps)
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Arkham Origins

As Black Mask

  • "They say crime doesn't pay-but someone oughtta the check the good commissioner's pockets-'cause they're LINED with MY money."
  • "And what have I got to show for it, huh? My own men in the slammer? Not no more. No. Tonight- we're making some changes. Some big changes."
  • "Part of me just wants to flip that switch. But it is Christmas Eve...and he is the Calendar Man-... and that's just too perfect to ignore."
  • "You're going to owe me for this, Julian. And that could be...useful." (Calendar Man)
  • "Bring him in, Bring him in!"
  • "You may have, Gillian. But, uh, things have-changed. We're starting with a clean slate-and you're not on it." (Gillian Loeb)
  • "Show's over, boys. Let's go."
  • "I told you to grab the memory card!" (Killer Croc)
  • "It had better be or the next thing that gets smashed will be your face!" (Killer Croc)
  • "You know I murdered your commissioner tonight, right? So what makes you think I give two farts what some dumbass dirty cop's gotta say?"
  • "You know what I know? What I know is that I don't like balance. Balance is boring and boring is a four-letter word in my book."
  • "No, Balance-balance is what's wrong with this city. We need to upset the balance, kick it over, light it on fire, and then see what comes scurrying out."
  • "Never better. I've got a new lease on life! Granted, it came with some added mileage, but beggars can't be choosers!"
  • "So it is! Good job! Observation and initiative are the keys to advancement. I have my eye on you!"
  • "Think you can just waltz into my bank, huh?" (Batman)
  • "The Joker? Never heard of him."
  • "How 'bout you, doll? Know the Joker?" (Gotham Merchant's Bank Manager)
  • "And you, sir? Name Joker ring a bell?" (Roman Sionis)
  • "Friends, assassins. Welcome to our first quarterly performance review."
  • "As you can see here: Batman deaths are coming in far below projections."
  • "We are really going to have to turn this around."

As Joker

  • "Can't...you just...play along!?!" (Roman Sionis)
  • Well, technically, it's *my* operation now. Isn't that right boys?
  • "Oh life would be so simple if you were all I wanted. No- you're just a teeny little distraction- compared to what I've got up my sleeve.
  • "Here! Have a laugh on me." (Throws the Gotham Merchant's Bank Manager over to Batman)
  • "Do you hear that? Sounds like eight tiny reindeer."
  • "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Must be a bad connection. I thought I heard you say that after I SHOT HIM, and BLEW UP a building on him, THE BAT- SOMEHOW SURVIVED?!!?"
  • "Well, since I know that's IMPOSSIBLE, I'm going to let you reconcile my vision of reality, with your version of reality, and in case your pea-brain can't parse big words, I'll translate it into thug-speak for you: KILL THE BAT, OR I'LL KILL YOU!"
  • "As your new commander in chief, I've got one simple order for you... no one gets out of that bank alive."
  • "I hope you boys bought your shovels. You might have to dig the Bat out before ya put him down!"
  • "This is it! An opportunity to make your new boss happy. Bring me the Bat!"
  • "Alright, my living room needs a new rug... So bring me the body of the Bat!"
  • "Question: how many dim wits does it take to find a Bat? Answer: just one. The dim wit opens his mouth and the Bat magically appears to shut him up for good."
  • "It warms my heart knowing that you're still kicking, Batman! There's still plenty of fun to be had out there tonight and I'd hate to see it all go to waste."
  • "Oh, I'm glad you're still fighting, Batman! I put a lot of work into this night and it would be a shame to see it end prematurely."
  • "Bravo on the daring rescue of our giggling bank manager, Batman. I'm sure she enjoyed those extra three seconds of life."
  • "I guess I wasn't clear when I said that I wanted the BAT DEAD!"
  • "BATMAN! So glad to know you're still moving."
  • "Hark now hear, the Batman sings! It's a song of broken bones, shattered limbs, and arms in a sling!"
  • "For a bunch of tough-as-nails street thugs you sure go down easy. It's a wonder Black Mask stayed in business!"
  • "Eh. So much for my crack team of vicious mobsters. The only things I hear cracking are tibias and fibulas."
  • "Since you can't find Batman, maybe you could at least find the lucky fella he just introduced his fist to?"
  • "If I'd known thugs would get this rough, I'd of dumped my fifty million into the full-body cast supplier market."
  • "Hurry! Batman's just had his way with one of you!
  • "Now that's a spicy meat-a-ball!"
  • "Well, sounds like I can cross 'hear a grown man cry' off my Christmas list. Thanks, fellas!"
  • "Well, that's three names I can cross off my Christmas list. If the rest of you want your presents I suggest you get naughty."
  • "You numbskulls are messing up my plans!"
  • "Must I do everything myself?!"
  • "Ugh. That didn't take long. Maybe I should've left a few more of Black Mask's men goons alive, huh?"
  • "I believe the begging is about to begin. Wait for it..."
  • "It's mano-mano time! Or perhaps more like mano-a-bat-o."
  • "And by we I mean YOU." (Electrocutioner)
  • "Got that, Mr... Cutioner?" (Electrocutioner)
  • "I'm the guy with the money-... And the gun!" (Electrocutioner)
  • "So when I hire you to kill the Batman, you shut the hell up and kill the Batman!" (Electrocutioner)
  • "So, do you have-anything-else to contribute?" (Electrocutioner)
  • "I didn't think so." (Electrocutioner)
  • "Mmmm! This fruitcake is fantastic!"
  • "Anyone want a piece?"
  • "Alright. Meeting's adjourned. Get out there and kill the Bat."
  • "Move it along, big boy." (Bane)
  • "Well, this should be interesting. Wee!"
  • "Well, would you look what the Bat dragged in?! You know you are a little late for supper. Lucky for you, your dear friend Bane just REFUSED to start the meal without you. Apparently, he prefers his dishes served cold."
  • "So, let's see! That's two hotel employees rescued for you, and...oh my, I'm still WAAAAY ahead in the employees killed column."
  • "I know it's tempting with all these goodies lying around but don't go helping yourself to a gift. They're not for you!"
  • "There, there...Don't feel left out! I've got a special gift just for you right up here-...and it's wrapped in about four hundred pounds of muscle."
  • "Uh-oh, Batman. Hurry! Someone's about to get shot!"
  • "Looks like the one getting shot is you! A sucker born every minute!" [after Batman gets shot with the gun turret]
  • "Well this is unfortunate. For you, I mean. For me, it's-it's all entertainment!" (after Batman used the Disruptor to disable the gun turret)
  • "Where'd Sionis find these guys? Oh sure, they talk a big game, but put any of them in the old electric chair and they bawl like little girls. Trust me, I've done the research."
  • "Incredible. They really outdid themselves with this penthouse suite. The bathroom has three kinds of soap! I mean, who has time for all that cleaning!? I usually just hop into a vat of acid and call it a day."
  • "Like what I've done with the place? I know, I know, it's a bit much. What can I say? I can be a tad...compulsive...from time-to-time."
  • "Where did I get all this you ask? Well-I got a great deal on an out-of-service amusement park. You should have seen the look on the real estate agent's face when we shook hands on the deal!"
  • "Hmm...well technically that was cheating, but...ah, what can I say? I got a soft spot for cheaters! So bravo, Batman. Bra-vo."
  • "HA HA HA! Nice try. No way out of there! Guess you'll just have to wait right where you are until I start sending the hotel guests through. That'll be a scream."
  • "Aren't you resourceful? Now play fair. Don't make me take your little belt away." (after Batman solved the puzzle in the West Tower-Ballroom)
  • "Woo, now this one's my personal favorite. Reminds me of my childhood-the taste of the kettle corn, the clickitty-clack of the rides, the stench of the dead vagrants they found under the boardwalk-Oh, the good old days."
  • "When you were a kid did ever try burping the national anthem? I was never any good at it. But this gentleman claims he was. Just for fun let's see how well he does while we electrocute him!?"
  • "I think the one little thing you need to work on is that sense of humor. You haven't smiled once tonight. And you know what they say: A smile a day keeps the reaper away."
  • "Feels like you should be done, doesn't it? You run roughshod through my Christmas attraction, and now you can't even find the door? The sad part is, there is no door. That's right. NO ONE gets out. I'll admit, it kills to repeat business, but then...so do the rides."
  • "You want to know the awful truth? I've only been in Gotham for a few days-and I've already accomplished so much more than you in the-what has it been- 2 years that you've been doing the whole costume thing. Roman Sionis? Gone. Loeb? Whoa. He was corrupt to the core. Got rid of him. That warden at Blackgate? Pretty sure he'll be facing charges after what I made him do tonight."
  • "You know-it's amazing what you can get done when you don't concern yourself with right and wrong. When you just...do things for a laugh. That's your problem, Batman-and it's hurting your efficacy: You're far too serious."
  • "So. You've made it to the end of my little carnival ride. Unfortunately, you're supposed to be dead by now. Will you excuse me while I just go shoot the architect. Come here...you little..." (Murders "architect" henchmen)
  • "Oh, no! You found my snowman bombs!"
  • "You just couldn't wait till New Years, huh? Guess the fireworks are going off early!" [after Batman tries to disarm Joker's bombs with the Cryptographic Sequencer]
  • "You know, Batman, I had the prefect little ambush set up for you and these idiots went ahead and ruined it! Ha! Oh well- time to improvise!"
  • "Ooo. So greedy! You've didn't have to kill ALL my men, Bane-brains! There's plenty of Bat to go around."
  • "You know, we've been up here waiting, and your boss Bane hasn't jumped into this huge pile of money once. Not once!"
  • "So glad your boss and I could work things out. He gets the Bat, and I get to chat with you fine fellows!"
  • "Okay, who feels like dishing? I mean, I heard rumors about what happened in that library in Pena Duro. Anyone care to elaborate?"
  • "So tell me, which of you are looking forward to seeing the inside of a prison cell again? I understand that's what Batman has in store for you."
  • "You are such a confident bunch. But we'll have to check your underpants when this is all over."
  • "Batman! You've arrived just in time to not save any of my men from Bane's ruthless Pena Duro mercenaries."
  • "Well look at that! Another one of Bane's boys bites the dust. I'm shocked. Oh. Wait. No I'm not."
  • "You'll have to excuse me, I guess I wasn't explicitly told that if you happen to see the Bat you can FIGHT BACK!"
  • "Attention shoppers! Batman's just taken out another member of your crew. Clean up in aisle three."
  • "You boys got a problem standing upright? Cuz Batman just tipped over another one."
  • "I don't think he's gonna be getting up after THAT."
  • "On the off chance you make it out of here alive, Batman- I've got something really special planned for you!"
  • "This is, without a doubt, the most pathetic display I've ever had the fortune of witnessing! HA! I love it!"
  • "Gotta say, I am impressed with you fellas. I mean, you all scream like real men."
  • "Don't wear yourself out on the appetizer, Batman. You've still got to handle the main course!"
  • "Awwwww. Look at the little Bat fly! All right. Enough looking. Clip the bastard's wings!"
  • "You're three steps closer to your death Batman. What's your hurry?"
  • "I don't think Bane whips you fellas often enough."
  • "Okay, this was kinda fun at first, but now it's just getting boring. Finish 'em off already!"
  • "In a not-at-all shocking turn of events, Bane's boys prove to be as brain dead as their boss!"
  • "Nice of you to drop in-and just in time."
  • "Eh-eh. Remember, you gave your word."
  • "Do they even have manners where he comes from?"
  • "You see, it's a tradition in my house-to open one present each on Christmas Eve."
  • "Hmm...How about...this one?"
  • "And a partridge in a pear tree!"
  • "None-I think. That was just a little stocking-stuffer-a construction site blocking my view."
  • "But this one isn't."
  • "And now, the moment you've all been waiting for... I present to you, the death of the Bat-Man!"
  • "Uh guys-can we move this along? I've got buildings to explode." (Batman and Bane)
  • "Yes. Now beat it out of him!" (to Bane about Batman)
  • "Yours is not to reason why, just DO IT."
  • "T'was the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a...well, a bat was stirring, but a few more blows to the head and he won't be anymore."
  • "Ooo! Hahahaha! He hit you so hard it hurt me!" (to Batman about Bane)
  • "Not much hope for the Batman, folks. Only a Christmas miracle can save him now."
  • "Oh, come on! At least make a fight out of it! I want my money's worth! Fifty million dollars worth!"
  • "Looks like this is it. It was nice knowin' ya. Actually, no it wasn't."
  • "I'm looking for a few good men. But I'll settle for you slug-monkeys."
  • "Okay, I'm getting bored now, Let's put a bow on it and call the casket maker, shall we?" (Joker to Batman)
  • "Now this is what I call a party!" (shooting at GCPD helicopters with an assault rifle)
  • "Just where do you think you're going? Huh?" (Joker to Bane after Bane jumps into a helicopter piloted by his henchmen to escape the GCPD)
  • "Oh! Back for more, eh?" (Batman)
  • "Now...Why? Why? Why would you do that?" (after Batman rescued Joker from falling to his death)
  • "Newsflash: I'm the one who's trying to kill you!"
  • "Those were two VERY bad men. The things they've done...You really don't want to know. They deserved death-just like me."
  • "I think he's talking to you." [to Batman about Officer Branden]
  • "Who?" (to Harvey Bullock)
  • "My partner!?" (to Harvey Bullock)
  • "You know, officer......I was wondering the same thing myself." (to Harvey Bullock)
  • "Tell me something dear-have "you" ever had a really bad day?" (to Dr. Harleen Quinzel)
  • "You of all people should know - there's nothing so CRUEL as MEMORY. The pointy, bitey little THUNDERBOLTS. Unwanted party crashers, SCREAMERS through your synapses. Inescapable, unrelenting...not at all friendly. You can't even escape into MADNESS!"
  • "And then you meet someone who changes your life-And you feel that you don't even know who you are anymore. Isn't it funny how one encounter can CLEAVE off little pieces of your past, DEFORM your memories and persona until you rethink your whole identity - and as you realize how foolish it all is - your LAUGHTER reverberates off the walls of your own emptiness."
  • "That sounds...delightful."
  • "Now that's a little trite, isn't it?"
  • "My favorite stage." (Acceptance)
  • "Oh, I know her better than most." (Kubler-Ross)
  • "Scrambled eggs." (Family)
  • "A door mat. A cat hat. A cellophane-bodysuit. And electrodes." (Humility)
  • "Gunpowder. Lots of gunpowder." (Obsession)
  • "Purple sequins." (Truth)
  • "Bathroom stalls-by the seaside that smell vaguely of sea salt and artificial lemon scent of cleaning products." (Betrayal)
  • "You want to know something funny? I used to think of Fate as EVIL-predetermined-not by some higher power, but by the rules of human NATURE. But tonight, that's all changed."
  • "Have you ever had the feeling that your entire life has been building towards this one moment?"
  • "Well now, yes. Now I realize that all the BATTLES, the BAD DAYS, the BRUTALITIES- it was all the hand of Fate at work."
  • "Absolutely. Now I understand. There are no chance encounters. It was all meant to be. Everything leading up to who I've met tonight!"
  • "Yes. And you might say it's changed EVERYTHING."
  • "Absolutely. I mean, do you realize what a vile world we live in? How lonely it is to wade through all the wretch and filth on your own?"
  • "Of course. Of course! You understand! Even in a crowd of other screwballs, you're so alone that you can kick, claw, yell, scream at the top of your lungs-and no one cares. It's like you don't even exist. I feel..."
  • "Sometimes I feel like I'm trapped on a path leading nowhere-into just emptiness. But now..."
  • "Yes, yes-and this person has shown me an exit ramp on this road to madness. A way to a far more interesting place."
  • "I feel adrift- floating -like someone's pulled the stopper on my reality and I'm SUCKED down the drain into something new. It's all very exciting really. You wouldn't know what that feels like, I'm sure."
  • "It's like meeting someone I can actually relate to-...which believe me, dear, I've NEVER felt before."
  • "You understand. You're someone who's not afraid to let go-and fall."
  • "Free falling. And I didn't pack a chute."
  • 'Do you know what I mean?" (to Dr. Harleen Quinzel)
  • "I figured you would." (to Dr. Harleen Quinzel)
  • "Someone very, very special, but whose real name I don't even know yet!" (to Dr. Harleen Quinzel about Batman)
  • "What a pretty name. Do your friends call you Harley?"
  • "Well, Harley, you got one now."
  • "Ho, Ho, Ho! Ha, ha, ha, ha! It's me again with a little Christmas reminder. If you all want to get out of here alive tonight, what are you going to do?"
  • "Very good! And how do I want this stocking-stuffer delivered? Alive or-dead?"
  • "That's right! What good little elves you all are. Santa's going to have a nice surprise for you when he gets what he wants!"
  • "Now some of you might remember that three hours ago I was asking for the Bat's severed head in a dainty gift bag. Well, I don't want you thinking I'm capricious or anything- it's just a lot's changed in my life recently. I'd love to tell you all about it, but I don't quite understand it myself, so let's just chalk it up as a Christmas Miracle!"
  • "Okay! Time for some introductions. Batman, meet the prisoners. Prisoners, meet the Batman. Now prisoners please kill the Batman."
  • "Hmmm. Looks like the Bat's shown up early for our little rendezvous. Do me a favor and keep him busy while I finish up in here?"
  • "This is a little game I like to call KILL OR BE KILLED. Here's how it works: You kill Batman or I kill you! Got it?"
  • "I know everyone's anxious to open their presents, but there's just one more thing we have to do: KILL THE BAT!"
  • "Okay everyone! Acting Warden Joker here. So happy you all chose to stick around for the final show."
  • "Jingle bells, Batman smells, Gotham’s quite a mess! Blackgate’s mine and you’re out of time, which means you’ll soon be dead! Hahahaha!"
  • "Where, oh where, has my little Bat gone? Where, oh where, can he be? His cowl, his scowl, his temper so foul, I hope that he's coming for me!"
  • "Come on, Batman-just a few more steps until you witness what I have in store for you! Bet your spine is tingling with anticipation! I know mine is-like a young boy obsessing over that big, mysterious present under the tree. And what a mystery it is."
  • "You may not realize this, but you-you really opened my eyes. Here I thought I was hitting level ten-the tippity top of the fun scale...slaughtering gangsters, killing cops, exploding buildings. But now I know that the scale goes beyond ten. WAY beyond! How much is anyone's guess, but together, you and me-we are going to push it as far as it will go."
  • "So don't keep me waiting. If there's one thing, I hate, it's an unsolved mystery."
  • "I. I understand you."
  • "You had a chance to let me die and you didn't take it-I bet right now you're wishing you had. I've killed-a LOT of people, brought the city to it's knees, crippled the police force and it's not even time to unwrap our presents!"
  • "Zip it!"
  • "Ok. Ok. So. What our friend Bane holds in his hand is-a heart monitor. Once he clamps it on, every beat of his vacant little heart will charge the battery-...on this electric chair. And when it's fully charged-[mimicks being electrocuted]"
  • "So either you kill Bane-"
  • "Oh. And-just in case either of you were thinking of getting smart-try to remove the heart monitor-and...KABOOM! More minced meat on the walls than a house made of hamburger. How's that for a helpful hint, Bats?"
  • "He is on a roll!"
  • "Woo! Look at him go!"
  • "Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim. Have a seat, Jimbo. We'll fry together - like two little potato latkes."
  • "All aboard the Bane train!"
  • "Better hurry, Bats! That heart ain't going to stop beating on it's own!"
  • "Well, Jimbo, things ain't looking so good. Anyone you want to say good-bye to? Wife? Kids?
  • "Buh-Bump! Buh-Bump! C'mon, Jim! Say it with me! Buh-Bump! Buh-Bump! Buh-Bump! Buh-Bump!"
  • "Can we focus on the task in hand? He's the guy over there, in all-black!"
  • "Uh oh, Bats. I think I feel a tingle!"
  • "Toot! Toot! Watch out for the Bane train!"
  • "He did it!" [assumes Batman killed Bane]
  • "How 'bout I put you down?" [tries to shoot Warden Joseph with Gordon's gun]
  • [sees that Gordon has taken the bullet for Warden Joseph] "Well that's the Christmas Spirit!"
  • "Well, I'd love to stay and celebrate your victory, but I've got stockings to stuff, mistletoe to hang-and about fifteen skyscrapers to blow up before sunrise. Ciao."
  • "Oh bats What a night!"
  • "Fresh off a kill and back for more, eh?"
  • "Now that's not FUNNY."
  • "All this - all this rage. All directed at me, and for what? You know if you'd actually let me finish a sentence, You might learn something. You might learn that we're not so different. You might even learn something about yourself."
  • "You know it's sad, really-makes me feel like you don't care to see the good side of me."
  • "Well, I guess learning is a lot to ask from you, meat-for-brains." [cocks gun]
  • "Is all this for you or for me? You must know that I'm a lost cause. But there's still hope for you. Yes. I've got great hopes for you. So c'mon. Don't stop now! What are you waiting for?"
  • "You know you want it. You know I want it. So just do it already!"
  • "It's better than any therapy session, Bats. So go on, do it!"
  • "You're not playing along, Bat-Man!"
  • "You just can't get it through your thick skull! We both exist because of them!!"
  • "That's why you do it, isn't it? You like the way it feels. It's what you need."
  • "Come on baby! Beat me 'til your knuckles bleed... And why quit there? You know there's only one way to stop me."
  • "Stopped his heart. That is funny. Good one, Bats. Oh, this is going to be fun."

Arkham Origins Multiplayer

Joker's Encrypted Transmission

  • 1st transmission: "So glad you're of my little criminal créme de la créme. Love your work. My previous employees, dear boys, they try their best, but they're just thugs, street punks. Not the brightest or the best. But you, why you're a cut-above. You're my elite. With you. I can take down Bane and the BAT. Do what you do best, and you'll go far. I've arranged for you to receive a little something. On the house."
  • 2nd transmission: "My, my...aren't we doing well? Keep this up, kid, and you'll be in line for...OK, mainly more killing. But isn't it fun! Hahahaha. But seriously. fine work, son. Greatness awaits! I'm sending you a mere token of my esteem."

Intros

  • "Well, they've rumbled our little poison brew-ha-ha funfair. Let's take them for a ride. Defend it with your lives!" - Joker's Amusement Park
  • "This overgrown chemistry-set is brewing venom, I say we seize it grown us a super-gang. Anyone spoils the fun, shoot them." - Wayne Chemical Plant
  • "There's a laugh-riot going on at Blackgate Prison. Time to make it ours."-Blackgate
  • "What kind of maniac wants to break into a prison, take control of the place don't let Bane or Heroes stop you." - Blackgate
  • "This place holds an army of mechanical guardians, just make sure there're working for us hmm." - Wonder City Factory
  • "Keep killing Bane's goons until there are none left. And watch out for those caped creeps."
  • "Kill all of Bane's gang and capture the Control Points to stop them from reinforcing. Don't let Batman or Robin stop you, or I pull the plug on this mission."

Gameplay

  • "We have majority control, keep it up boys."
  • "We've got the advantage boys, now keep it!"
  • "Haha, haha that's giving them one for keep it up."
  • "Bane's gang have majority control, stop them!"
  • "Bane's gang have the upper hand, do something or else."
  • "Bane's Gang has the upper hand, get it back!"
  • "Bane's gang got Robin! They have reinforcements!"
  • "Bane's gang got the Bat! That's bad news for us, boys!"
  • "The heroes are gaining, the advantage I hate that fight back!"
  • "The heroes have you running scared, fight back or I'm scrubbing this mission!"
  • "I promoted one of you to be captain no hard feelings the rest of you, if the heroes get him it will very bad for us."
  • "Don't let the Heroes get your Captain. If they do, I might have to scrub this caper. Which won't be good news for YOU."
  • "Protect the Captain. If the Heroes take him down, I might cancel the mission. Which would be BORING. And probably fatal for you. So you know..."
  • "One of you is captain, not you... But protect the one who is! Or I might just cancel this party, oh aren't I a fickle."
  • "I promoted you to be captain, don't let the heroes get you that'll be very bad for us."
  • "Well now, you're making such an impression, the Bat himself is after you. Give him my regards! But kill him."
  • "Your admiral bloodlust has drawn the attention of those cape buffons, careful now."
  • "So the heroes got you that makes me sad, no wait the other one ANGRY!"
  • "Well the heroes got you don't let it happen again, MHUHAHAHAHA!"
  • "Heroes got your captain, that's not good."
  • "You do know you could FIGHT BACK!" (Says when taken out for the first time)
  • "This is our last chance boys, DON'T MESS IT UP!"
  • "No more reinforcements."
  • "Make me proud boys and/or stay alive."
  • "It's getting sticky here, watch your backs boys."
  • "Horray holiday! Reinforcements in your way!" (When an Elite kills a hero)
  • "You killed Batman? Excellent news."
  • "You killed Robin? Excellent news!"
  • "We got Robin! Oh, GOODY!"
  • "We got Batman, Take that good guys!"
  • "We got Robin, Take that good guys!"
  • "We got Batman, Splendid!"
  • "We got Robin, Splendid!"
  • "We got Batman, now everyone knows not to mess with us."
  • "Entry Door marked."
  • "Either me or Bane is behind that door. Better make sure it's me, eh?"
  • "Perhaps I need to delicate myself, get to the marked door" (When losing)
  • "Must I do everything myself?"
  • "Did someone call for me? Well I'm here  now, mhuhahaha!"
  • "Too late, Bane's got the door first."
  • "Here's one for the volt, haha!"
  • "How shocking!"
  • "Bane gang down one, thanks to me."
  • "Electrifying haha!"
  • "Got a Bane thug."
  • "Bye, bye Robin." (After killing Robin)
  • "Wohoo I've got Batman, now what I"m I suppose to do?" (After Killing Batman)
  • "Is it a bird, a plane? Nope it's just Robin."
  • "Ooh Bats I have something for you, I'm dying to show you! do come over."
  • "Ooh Batman."
  • "Bye, bye Bane thug."

Outcome

  • "Beaten by the Bat and the Bird, this will not look good in your resume."
  • "Beaten by Batman!? What good are you!?"
  • "So Batman spoiled our little Funfair, no fair, NO FAIR!" - Joker's Amusement Park
  • "Batman beaten you!? I'm starting to think that letting you live is such a bad idea."
  • "Batman beat you!? And you didn't bring me any new toys you were terrible, awful." - Wonder City Factory
  • "Beaten by Bane!? You all have some explaining to do!"
  • "Beaten by that over sized luchidor!? Boys you really have to do better." - Wayne Chemical Plant
  • "Bane's running my Amusement Park? He has no sense of humour he'll ruin it for everyone, and he has my toxin, that's your fault." - Joker's Amusement Park
  • "You hit the jackpot boys, it's raining murderous men! This is going to be fun." - Blackgate
  • "You did it! You fought them of and save my toxin, well I'm having a rollercoaster of emotions." - Joker's Amusement Park."
  • "Well done boys I'm quite pleased, now let's throw us a venom party that Gotham will never forget! Haha." - Wayne Chemical Plant
  • "You did it boys the venom is ours! Muhahahaha!" - Wayne Chemical Plant
  • "Thanks to you we have the mechanical guardians, now I don't have to do my own clinking and clanking." - Wonder City Factory

Arkham Origins Blackgate

  • "Hello, valued guest!" (Batman)
  • "Do you like what I've done to the place? I haven't quite finished."
  • "I'm sure you'll see more of my...improvements as you go along."
  • "Mm, no, I don't think so." (refuses to give Batman codes for the Crypto Sequencer)
  • "I'm going to the warden's office to finish my alterations, while you go find the warden."
  • "I won't even make you search, that's how gracious a host I am. The warden's in the conference room."
  • "He's... tied up in a meeting, and tempers are running high. Getting explosive, you might say! HAHA!"
  • "Bad timing! You just happened to show up on the day the prison decided to spray for bats!" (unleashes Joker Gas on Batman through vents)
  • "You'll never foil my master plan, NEVER! Did that sound all right? I've been working on that."
  • "Librarians in danger, Batman, check it out! Get it? Librarian? Check it out?"
  • "Rude, Batman, very rude! Wish I could say it's been a gas, but it hasn't...THIS is a gas!" (unleashes more Joker Gas on Batman in the library after Batman rescues the hostages)
  • "Has anyone ever told you that with that cape, you look just like an idiot?"
  • "Do you know what it takes to be the Joker? A brilliant sense of comedy, a cunning mind, and three years of dental work!"
  • "Really, Batman, there are guys who've been in the infirmary here for forty years who move faster than you do." (after Batman crosses the broken floor area flooded with Joker Gas with the Line Launcher)
  • "When you scowl and hunch over and try to look all creepy like that, do anyone actually take you seriously?"
  • "Is this nice? Do I come into your guano-filled wherever-you-live and pick a fight with you?"
  • "Hello, Comedy Weekly Magazine? I'll have to call you back, Batman's trying to beat me up. Yes, I suppose that IS pretty funny!"
  • "Live, from Blackgate, it's everyone's favorite new game show, Match or DIE! Brought to by Shermie's Squirting Flowers and Larry's Poisoned Licorice, now in new trout flavor."
  • "Help me welcome our first contestant, a housewife from Pasadena who loves blue underwear and blingy belts...say hello to Batman!"
  • "Here's how we play our game-solve the puzzle, and I'll give you what you need to rescue the warden!"
  • "If you DON'T solve it, well, you'll leave with a lovely parting gift-a lifetime supply of dead prison officials! Ready to play? Let's match...or die!"
  • "Impressive start! But you've got a long way to go!" (1st correct symbols)
  • "Ooh, epic fail!" (1st incorrect symbols)
  • "Luh-HOOOSER!" (2nd incorrect symbols)
  • "Score one for our contestant!" (2nd correct symbols)
  • "Hey, have you played this game before?" (3rd correct symbols)
  • "We have GOT to start screening our contestants better." (after Batman matched the 4th symbols and wins the game)
  • "Ah, Batman! Now I can officially welcome you to my new winter, summer, spring and fall home!"
  • "Clearly, you saw some of my new decorations along your way here."
  • "So, tell me, what do you think of the place?"
  • "These are my favorite decorations. I've attached these little gas canisters on a time release to all the prison's major air conduits. It started out as riot-control gas, but I adjusted the recipe."
  • "Now a small dose can give me control of the brains of the inmates and hostages."
  • "A large dose will turn those brains to succotash."
  • "No can do, Bats. Only the computer here can turn off the gas-a-go-go...and it can only do that with the Sequencer Codes!"
  • "And I just don't know where those are. Probably packed with the pots and pans."
  • "So much for a new homeowner to do!"
  • "And speaking as a homeowner, I believe you qualify as a prowler on private property. And I'm within my rights to defend my property AT ALL COSTS!"
  • "Okay Bats, let's get ready to RRRRRRUMBA!!!" (puts on gas mask, turns on gas canisters)
  • "Ptoo! (kills both guards with 2 needles shot from his mouth into each of their necks)
  • "Such a generous guard, giving me the shirt off his back." (steals dead guard's uniform)
  • "All clear back there!" (Two Arkham Guards)

Assault on Arkham

  • "Harley? Is it really you?"
  • "Aren't you even going to say hello?"
  • "Aw, I can tell you're still sore. At least the bruises cleared up nicely."
  • "What's your hurry, Harl?"
  • "Women. Am I right, Officer? Can't live with them. Can't even kick them out of a moving car." (Deadshot)
  • "Sorry, hon. Bulletproof." (taps glass)
  • "Why, Harley. If I didn't know any better I'd say you're trying to kill me.."
  • "New guy?" (to Harley about Deadshot)
  • "I know you. We worked together once. No, don't tell me. Umm...Deadhead? Buckshot?" *"You can have her! Bet you bought your shirt secondhand too. Ha!" (Deadshot)
  • "Is that room service? Tell them I never got my calzone."
  • "So, she's got herself a new guy... After everything I've done for her! Oh, we'll see about that. I'll make 5 more just like her! I'll take her skin and put someone else in it! Oh, that perfect creamy skin... Pull yourself together, man! She mocked you right to your face! Even dared to call you.. Puddin'!"
  • "Oh that darling girl! She might even deserve me." (Harley Quinn)
  • "Okay babies! Let's cook!"
  • "Winner, winner! Chicken dinner!"
  • "Oh, Harley! I take back half of the horrible things I've done to you."
  • "Boo!" (Guard)
  • "And boom!" (Tear gas)
  • "I'm just going to slip into something more comfortable. So no peeking!" (shoots guard)
  • "Best gun ever." (after 'Batman's' head explodes)
  • "Denzel! What have they done to you?" (Black Spider)
  • "I know that sound. Someone's flossing their brain!" (The Suicide Squad)
  • "I'm here, Bitches! And I've brought favors for everybody!" (The Suicide Squad and Batman)
  • "Yahtzee!" (after shooting Batman)
  • "I think this was yours, Deadhead. Finders keepers!" (Deadshot)
  • "Don't you "puddin'" me. I go away and suddenly you've got new friends! Even picked a new guy!"
  • "Ah!"
  • "Hmm."
  • "You! New guy! I don't like people touching my stuff!" (Deadshot)
  • "I am not!" (Deadshot)
  • "Hold on! Stop counting for a second! I know there are bullets. See?" (Deadshot)
  • "Mallet!" (holds gun to Harley's head)
  • "It's time for a very big bang!"
  • "Sibilance! Testing! Sibilance!"
  • "I know you can see me, Bats. Hope you brought protection, cuz I'm about to give Gotham a terminal case of tainted love that's REALLY gonna blow."
  • "And just in case you were thinking of stopping me, I figured I'd invite some friends to my big blowout."
  • "Going my way, handsome?" (Deadshot)
  • "Cute kid. Hope she doesn't take being an orphan too hard." (to Deadshot about his daughter)
  • "You know she's gonna kill us, right?" (to Deadshot about Harley)
  • "Uh oh!"
  • "Stop me if you heard this one." (Deadshot)
  • "Oh."
  • "For someone who's not Batman, you've been a real pain in my ass!" (Deadshot)
  • "Deuces, new guy!" (Deadshot)

Arkham Asylum

  • "Stand back, fool! I've got a bomb...Oh, right. Heh, heh, heh..." (Remembered why Batman captured him)
  • "Hey, Sharpie! Love what you've done with the place!" (Warden Quincy Sharp)
  • "Yo, Frank-ay. How's the wife and kids. Ya miss me?" (Frank Boles)
  • "Really, I don't mind walking!" (Taken by Arkham Guards)
  • "Not so tight, boys. You'll crease the suit." (Strapped to a gurney)
  • "Sharpie loves his cameras. Hey, Sharpie! You getting my good side? But heck, they're all good, aren't they?"
  • "Look at all this new security. How's a guy supposed to break out of here?"
  • "Oh, it's always nice to return to my sweet little hausenda!"
  • "Y'know what? I preferred the good ol' cavity search. Much more personal."
  • "Ooo, whatcha sneak in with you, Bats? C'mon. Tell me, tell me! Batarangs? Batclaws? Ooo, Bat snacks?"
  • "There'll be time enough for you later, Cash. Speaking of time, tick, tock, tick, tock. Is that a crocodile I hear?" (Aaron Cash)
  • 'What's up, doc? Pencil me in for tomorrow at four. We've got a lot of catching up to do." (Dr. Penelope Young)
  • "Oh, it's my favorite show. "I'm Warden Idiot." "You'll never escape." "(Pulls funny face while speaking and laughs.)
  • "I'm telling you, the state of the wiring in these federal facilities is shocking. My boys over there could have been hurt in that unfortunate fire." (Blackgate Prison)
  • "Boo!" (laughs)
  • "Need to take my temperature? I'd be happy to drop my pants."
  • "Can you smell the excitement in the air? No? Huh. Must have been one of the guards then. Croc old boy, is that you?" (Killer Croc)
  • "That reminds me. I really need to get me some new shoes." (After encountering Killer Croc)
  • "Whee! Great night for a party!"
  • " Ha ha! The night is young, Bats. I still have a trick or two up my sleeve. I mean, don't you think it's a little bit funny how a fire at Blackgate caused hundreds of my crew to be moved here?"
  • "Oh, Frankie! You really should learn to keep that fat mouth of yours shut. It'll get you into trouble!"
  • "Oh, nothing much. Hundreds dying in pain and fear. All their meaningless lives brought to a horrifying conclusion. All thanks to you and a book of matches. Was that the answer you wanted?"
  • "What? Don't you trust me?"
  • "Only three? I'll be sure you try harder next time. What say we aim for a hundred?"
  • "I think he's talking about you, Bats."
  • "Don't be stranger. You're always welcome here."
  • "Gotta say it's good to be back."
  • "Hurry, We're losing him, Doc!"
  • "The choke's on you."
  • "Honey, I'm home." (Harley Quinn)
  • "Welcome to the madhouse, Batman! I set a trap, and you sprang it gloriously!"
  • "Now let's get this party started!"
  • "Ladies and maniacs. I apologize for this interruption to your regular entertainment."
  • "Up until a few seconds ago, I was going to kill everyone in the room and then watch cartoons, but then...well...you know how I do love a captive audience."
  • "I'm just warming you up, Bats. Fresh from Blackgate Correctional Facility, with a combined sentence of 752 years. Ding, ding, ding ding ding! It's round 2!"
  • "Sorry, Bats, gotta run. I've got places to go, people to slay."
  • "Don't make promises you can't keep, Bats."
  • "I'm in control of the Asylum. You're not going anywhere I don't want you to. Understand?"
  • "Blah, blah, blah. Always with the hero speak. Ooh, I'm getting bored of watching you. Why don't you just come find me..."
  • "What are waiting for? I'm so close you can almost taste me."
  • "What took you so long?"
  • "Oh!" (Dodges Batman's Batarang and laughs)
  • "I'm counting on it. Just not yet!"
  • "Oooh. He's a big one." (Incomplete Titan Henchman)
  • "Well, that was unexpected, wasn't it? Oh well, note to self, need stronger test subjects." (Dead Incomplete Titan Henchmen)
  • "Seeing as how I'm feeling generous, I'll give you this one for free."
  • "Knock me off, I dare you! End this, pull the plug, stop me once and for all."
  • "You're getting too predictable, Bats! Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but I've got a party to organize. I've got guests flying in from all over Arkham. You'll see."
  • "Having a little trouble up there?"
  • "You were expecting maybe Two-Face?"
  • "Silly Bat! I don't want to escape. I'm having way too much fun. I even have you here to keep a smile on my face."
  • "Really? We'll see. Ta-ta."
  • "Oh, I forgot to say. Just in case you were planning on following me, I've arranged a little insurance. Gordon is on his way to Harley as we speak."
  • "If I see you trying to follow me, he dies. Harley's looking forward to it. Maybe I'll film it and post it on the internet."
  • "I bet you're wondering how I did it. Was it a clue the great detective missed?"
  • "Oh, me and Frankie go way back. I got him out of a spot of...bother a few years ago."
  • "So, when I need security codes, or an old man to be clubbed to the ground, I know just the man to ask."
  • "Hold one second, I'll see if I can find him."
  • "I'm sorry. I've looked everywhere, but I can only find his head! I'll get back to you when I find the rest of him."
  • "Hey, Bats. I know you can hear me. I've got a little something for you to listen to. Harley and Frank are nearly out of the building with the old man. How are they going to get past all those guards? Let's have a listen, shall we?"
  • "Stop flirting with the hired help, Harley."
  • "Did you hear that, Bats? Sounds like Frankie is working out just fine! Another valuable employee for the organization."
  • "Good. Our friendly neighborhood rodent is on his way. You need to set a trap. He must not leave this building. Do you understand me?"
  • "I hope you keep your promises, boy. I'd hate to go and punish your family just to teach you a lesson. I can promise you they won't be laughing."
  • "Just do it! And have fun, I know I will."
  • "Oh, look who it is! Are your pointy ears burning?"
  • "I suppose I'd better tell my boys you're on the way. Hey, maybe I won't...It'll be a nice surprise!"
  • "Joker here with a quick update on what's new in the asylum."
  • "Some idiot is running around the asylum dressed like a bat. I know. Crazy! Stop him before he gets someone hurt. Really. It's for his own good."
  • "Do you really think it was going to be that easy, Bats? I've sent a few more of my boys your way. Let's see how you deal with these odds!"
  • "I like you boys. What you lack in brains, you make up in heart. Oh, and speaking of heart… bring me Batman's."
  • "Oh, boo! You win again, Bats. Well, savor it. I'll get you next time."
  • "Greetings, Gotham. This is the voice of your new master. Oh, hang on...I've skipped a bit!"
  • "Joker here! I'm in control of Arkham Island and you can all consider it out of bounds. If I see any lawmen, vigilantes or do-gooders in tights coming this way, I'll start detonating random bombs around the city."
  • "What'll it be? A kindergarten? A hospital? A billionaire's mansion? Oooh, choices, choices, choices."
  • "Hmm. Harley tells me that the Batman's car is still parked just outside of the Intensive Treatment building. Now, we can't just have him up and leave us, can we?"
  • "Every thug, villain, murderer, and kindergarten teacher that isn't carrying out party orders should head there now and smash it to pieces."
  • "The entire island will soon be under my control. That's right, boys and girls. Mine. Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine. Just wait till you see my plans for this place. It's going to be glorious."
  • "I just want everyone to know that I really appreciate all the hard work. You know, watching you guys is like a night in, watching my favorite movie. What was the name of that movie again? Oh, yes. Attack of the stupid bumbling idiots who can't find an even bigger idiot running around dressed like a bat. Now get to it. I'm getting bored."
  • "Joker here! Let me remind all new residents of Joker Asylum that they are expected to follow 1 simple rule. Punishment for not following this rule is death. No ifs, ands or buts. You know what the best thing is about the rule? It's a secret."
  • "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I'm getting troubling reports of a bat infestation in Joker Asylum. Let me remind everyone that it is their civic duty to exterminate this vermin. We can't have it making its way back to the mainland."
  • "I'm just sitting here watching cartoons. If any of you Blackgate rejects is bored, come over and see me. Don't look up when you open the door. It'll spoil the surprise and my experiment."
  • "I'm having a great time. You guys just make it look too easy, like you're not even trying. Which is not what I pay you to do. Find everyone. Now."
  • "Anyone seen the big bad Bat? I warn you. He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot, but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot."
  • "Hello, I'm Warden Idiot. Here at Idiot Asylum, there's only rule. You'll never leave us!"
  • "Joker here. Remember. I'm watching all of you. Wherever you are. Even you. Yes, you!"
  • "Paging Dr. Howard. Dr. Fine. Dr. Howard."
  • "Harley!"
  • "What's he doing here? It's too early!"
  • "Oh, you little minx, I could never stay mad at you."
  • "I want all the doctors rounded up. Search every inch of the Medical building!"
  • "I mean it. Search every room, every office, and every trash can!"
  • "If another doctor tries to get out of the building, then you won't! I'll just flood the rooms with Happy Gas and leave you to die! Hell, I may do that anyway, sounds fun."
  • "Say good night Bats. BOOM! (Laughs hysterically)Only kidding!"
  • "I've got a few surprises for you, prepare to face your fears. ALL OF THEM!"
  • "Tell me, Bats. What are you really scared of? Failing to save this cesspool of a city? Not finding the Commissioner in time? Me, in a thong?"
  • "Has anyone seen the Bat?"
  • "Come on, someone must have seen where he went?"
  • "Big scary guy, wears a cape, likes to jump out of the shadows and beats up useless thugs?"
  • "ANYONE?! No? Good!"
  • "Oh, there you are!" (Batman)
  • "I've been waiting for you, listening to Zsasz make the good doctor scream while you played around in Scarecrow's world."
  • "How was it this time? Learn anything about yourself? Oh, tell me. Pull up a seat! Talk to me! I'm all ears."
  • "Actually, that reminds me. I could've sworn I heard Zsasz cutting her ears off. Certainly sounded like it." (Dr. Young)
  • "Zsasz.... What are you talking about? Just kill her. She's useless to me now." (Dr. Young)
  • "Oh, you're not scared of a little bat, are you, Slicey?" (Victor Zsasz)
  • "Yeah, stay back, Batman! You don't want more blood on your hands, do you?" (Dr. Young)
  • "That's the spirit! Now stick it to her!" (Dr. Young)
  • "I've waited a long time for this, Bats. Let's start the party. With a bang!" (Shoots Batman in the face with his gun)
  • "Oh God... does she EVER stop going on about those plants of her's."
  • Really, well that's gratitude, isn't it. Women! You give 'em presents, experimental chemicals, and nice costumes and they still turn on you."
  • "Are you excited Bats? I mean, we've been building up to this point all night."
  • "Don't tell me you've not been looking forward to it. I know I have."
  • "SURPRISE! Everyone always said I should be in television."
  • "10,9,8,7654,3,2,1!" (bomb detonates)
  • (Talking to Scarface)"Why didn't you stop Batman?" (switches to Scarface) "Me?! It was your plan, you goofy clown!" (switches back to himself) "I'm sending you back to the Ventriloquist where you belong!" (Throws Scarface on the ground in front of Batman)
  • "You had to spoil everything, didn't you? Beating up Bane, feeding Scarecrow to Croc, slapping around my Harley, MY hobby by the way, and ruining all my lovely Venom plants!"
  • "Over? Why, my dear delusional Dark Knight, it hasn't even begun!"
  • "Nicely done, Bats! You deserve a prize!
  • "Your old pal Commissioner Gordon."
  • "Say, he looks all run-down. Let's pep him up!
  • "Ooh, here we go! We're going to have some fun now, kiddies!"
  • "You're trying to resist the change! That's not fair!"
  • "Come on! Give in!"
  • "So, you wanna play hardball, Bats? Do ya? Your call!
  • "Ow! You're ruining my big night! All those months of planning down the crapper! I just wanted to bring down your grim facade, and for once let you see the world as I see it, giggling in a corner and bleeding! But you've denied me even that! I have nothing left to live for." (injects himself with Titan)
  • "Show time, Batman!"
  • "Let's give the rubes somethig to talk about!"
  • "Two freaks in a fight to the death!"
  • "And for one night only, please welcome our guest referee."
  • "So… come on! Change! Get crazy! It's the only way to beat me!"
  • "You know you want to!"
  • "You wasted the antidote on yourself?"
  • "Now that's funny!"
  • "Hysterical! But you still spoiled my fun! And for that, I'll paint Arkham with your blood!"
  • "Lets get ready to tango!"
  • "I can take it. I can take anything you throw at me Bats! You can't beat me I'm actually going to win. Ready for the next round?"
  • "What?"
  • "No!"

Visitor Center Messages

  • "Come in, sit down, take off your mask."
  • "So Bats, I was thinking. You really could use a friend in here. Someone to talk to, share secrets with. Shall we start with the big one? Who is that behind the mask? Why do you feel the need to go out into the world and fight people like me? Do you really think you can win? We'll see." [Laughs]
  • "There were these two guys in a lunatic asylum...Oh hell, you've heard that before, haven't you?"
  • "Let's just get down to business. You're probably wondering how this is all going to turn out, aren't you? Is it driving you bats, Bats? (laughs) You probably thought you could follow that idiot guard to the old man, didn't you? Sorry about that. Hang on a second. If I outsmarted you, and I am...well, quite clearly insane...what does that make you?" (laughs)
  • "You're late for your appointment. Very rude. Well, seeing as you're here now, we might as well get started."
  • "Tell me about your childhood. Anything stand out? Is that fear I see? Too painful? We'll come back to it later, then. So, how about Baney Boy, then? Bet you were shocked to see him, weren't you? Personally I was hoping he'd fold you up like a piece of paper and let me stamp you crazy, but even I don't get everything I want. So what was he doing here? Oh, questions, questions, questions."
  • "You again? You're early!"
  • "Sit down. I suppose I can squeeze you in."
  • "I've been comparing notes with Doctor Crane. He seems a little worried about your progress. According to his notes, you should have come over to our side by now. What is it that keeps you going? Doesn't it ever get boring?"
  • "I am afraid that I cannot attend your appointment today. Doctor Quinzel has kindly offered to sit in."
  • "Let's talk about your employee relations, Bats. Harley disappointed me and now she's out of the picture. Gone. Forgotten. Dead to me. You get the idea. What's it like in your organization? Do you punish your hired help when they fail you? Or is that saucy outfit you make him wear punishment enough?"
  • "Patient continues to show bizarre and irrational tendencies. On continued observation, it is clear that he believes he can in some way influence the inevitable destruction of this city. Tests prove what can only be described as a buried messiah complex. I fear he is untreatable."
  • "So what will it be, Bats? You and me caught in this eternal struggle? One destined to kill the other? What will we do when one of us wins? Have you even considered it? Terrifying, isn't it?"
  • "Hey, Breaking news. There's been a multiple car pileup on the Gotham freeway. Some guy is being cut out of the wreckage. Looks painful. The reporter's tell us that he's been paralyzed on one side of his body. His wife's in tears. What's she worried about? I'm sure he's going to be all right. You get it? All right!" (laughs)
  • "I once went to a psychiatrist. 'Doc', I said, 'Every time I get into bed, I think there's someone under it. I get under the bed, I think there's somebody on top of it.' I was going crazy. So I cured myself. I cut the legs off my bed. And then the doctor. [laughs] Slept fine ever since."
  • "A patient goes to see his doctor. 'Doc' he says, 'you've got to help me. My wife thinks she's a chicken.' The doctor asks 'How long has she had this condition?' 'Two years,' says the man. 'Then why did it take you so long to come and see me?' asked the shrink. The man shrugs his shoulders and replies, 'I needed the eggs.'"
  • (More Jokers appear, Laughs hysterically)

Challenge Maps

  • "You may want to do a quick head count."
  • "Hide in the shadows, Bats. We're coming for you!"
  • "These are my best guys, Bats they'll find you, and kill you!"
  • "Let's see if you've still got the moves, Bats!"
  • "We'll hunt you down, Bats."
  • "My crew is searching Arkham Asylum for you, Batman. I won't stop till you're dead! Or they are."
  • "If you weren't hiding in the shadows like a little girl, this would be over so much faster."
  • "Good evening, Gotham! And welcome to the main event."
  • "I, Joker, am now in control of Arkham Island. Medical is just one part of my new empire. Anyone who disagrees with this should speak to one of my many representatives guarding you from the evil Batman."
  • "If any member of Old Arkham wants to take up our special introductory offer of free cosmetic surgery, raise your hand now. One of my representatives will move you to the front of the line."
  • "Don't worry, boys. If Batman actually makes it as far as Medical, you won't be hurt. Well, you may, but smile, you're just seconds away from medical care."
  • "That's what I like to see, boys. Not so scared of the big bad Bat."
  • "I want the entire Medical building secure. No one in or out. Do you understand?"
  • "Batman's been busy. Haven't you noticed that someone's missing down there?"
  • "He's taken one of you out. And not in a nice first date kind of way."
  • "He's taken out two of you. Find him."
  • "Have you checked the time sheets? I'm sure there were more of you at the beginning of the day."
  • "Oh come on, its just an old room full of books! How hard can it be?
  • "Oh dear! Is someone missing? I keep losing count."
  • "You guys may want to have a look on the walkways. I think someone's left you a gift!"
  • "You can do it, buddy! Let me put it this way, you'd better do it!"
  • "Hey. Don't be scared. He's just a little Bat. You can take him. Probably. Well, between you and me, it's statistically unlikely, but you never know."
  • [Nervous henchmen] "Is anyone feeling a little stressed down there? Your heart racing? Well, get a grip and stop the Bat or I'll fix your blood pressure. Permanently."
  • "It's the big fight! Who will win? The hardened killers, the merciless murderers, or Batman? Let's see."
  • "Ladies and murderers. Welcome to the big fight. Batman! You're going down. Fight!"
  • "It's the main event! Batman versus the most horrible, the most violent and, if I might add, downright ugly members of Blackgate Death Row."
  • "We are live at the big Arkham fight. Batman, have you got what it takes? I doubt it."
  • "Good evening, Arkham Asylum! Tonight we will all watch Batman... die."
  • "Hey, Bats. Go easy on them. Hmm, for me? Oh hell, what do I care? Do your worst!"
  • "Note to self. Need to order more henchmen. Good ones this time!"
  • "Come on, boys. He's just one man. One man dressed like a lunatic and armed to the teeth. Go get him!"
  • "What? You... oh, Bats.. I really am going to have to hunt you down and kill you one of these days!"
  • "So you won, big deal. I've got much bigger plans for you."
  • "Yawn-a-roony. We both know you eat punks for breakfast. I've got some real surprises waiting for you."
  • "Nice moves, Bats. Thanks for showing me them."
  • "So, you win again. It's a shame that while you've been fighting, I've had everyone you love brutally murdered. Only joking!"
  • "Don't get too cocky, Batman. I'll get you next time."

Arkham City

  • "Twinkle, twinkle, little bat. Watch me kill your favorite cat!"
  • "See you soon Bats!"
  • "Well, look who it is. I haven't seen you for... how long as it been? Let's see, there was an asylum, some monsters, and oh, that's right! You left me to die. Now you probably don't remember it that way, but who cares? You just need to worry about the bombs. Hurry up, now. Clock's ticking. 5! ... 4! ... 3! ... 2! ... 1! See you soon, Bats. ... What are you waiting for? We both know how this is going to turn out: you're going to come and find me. You can't stop yourself, can you? Sometimes I wonder if all this would just end with one of us looking down at the other's corpse, trying to work out what to do next? The only question is, whose body will it be? I know who I'm rooting for! [giggles] What about you? [laughs madly] Now, get out of there now, or you'll ruin everything!!!"
  • "HARLEY!"
  • "Be quiet Harley!"
  • "Harley, stop screwin' around out there!"
  • "Surprise! You fell for the ol' fake Joker gag, Batman."
  • "Get back here, Harley."
  • "No one's who you think they are my dear. Why spoil the fun?"
  • "Nice of you to say, but you of all people should know there's plenty wrong with me."
  • "Take my blood for example, I wish somebody would. This stuff is killing me!"
  • "Because now, there's a teeny little bit of me in you too Bats."
  • "Oh come on! Don't tell me it's not what you've always wanted."
  • "Look, we're running out of time! I need your help! I nearly had a cure, it was so close and then it was taken from me."
  • "Are you? Imagine sucking down that last breath knowing that Gotham is doing the same."
  • "Oh didn't I say? I've spent weeks shipping samples of my blood to emergency rooms all over the city."
  • "Protocol 10? Never heard of it."
  • "Hold tight. I'll be in touch!"
  • "Is someone feeling a little down? Oh Bats, cheer up; it won't kill ya....Oops!"
  • "I've had our cold hearted friend Mr. Freeze making it, but he's gone dark on me."
  • "I bet you....."(Batman cuts off Joker's call)
  • "Let's make this quick, boys. I've got an important operation that I'm just dying to have done."
  • "You guys are like family to me. And you know how much pain I went through killing my family."
  • "Are you guys OK? It's just Batman. He's probably not ever really killed anyone. Still, you know when he plans on starting, do you?"
  • "Do you really think you can just sneak through here with my delicious cure, Bats? I mean, I'm sure you can, but I know you too well, now don't I? After all, we both know you won't be able to resist crackin' a few skulls on the way through."
  • "Did I ever tell you about the day I found out I was sick? No? I remember it clearly. It was that night when I first met Harley."
  • "Hello? Henchmen? Can you hear me? Where are my guns? They are very important if my plan is to... Oh, are you still down there, Bats? Pity."
  • "I can't believe you let him stop you! What is it? Not enough secret weapons from old Hugo?"
  • "Well, that's just great. Here I am on my deathbed and you miserable fools can't even stop some idiot dressed up like a bat. I needed those guns. Now how am I going to...oops. Sorry, Bats, I nearly gave it away there, didn't I?"
  • "Why do you keep doing this to me? It's like you idiots spend every single day day thinking up ways to leave me bitterly disappointed. Harley, when you get to the GCPD, kill a couple of 'em for me, will you, dear."
  • "If any of you are still conscious, get back to base now."
  • "Do I have to do everything myself around here? All I asked was that you stopped the stupid Batman. I managed to get a syringe of my blood in his neck for God's sake, and I'm half-dead. What's your excuse?" (coughs)
  • "Well, what do you know? You did it. You took 'em all out. I should be sad, I suppose, but the truth is, I'm happy. Happier than I've been in years. How about you?"
  • "Manners cost nothing Batman, a please wouldn't go amiss. I mean, if you wanted to be cured so badly, you only had to ask! (laughter) It looks like I need to teach you some respect!"
  • "Oh, come on! There's always something to learn. Let's start with 'Getting Your Ass Kicked 101'."
  • "Second's out!"
  • "Just you and me, Batman!"
  • "Give me your best shot!"
  • "Please! Stop! I can't take anymore! You win, you beat me!" (Pretends to suffer)
  • "Hang on, did I say "ME"? I meant me, and these guys!"
  • "What are you waiting for?"
  • "Any last requests? How about a joke?"
  • "Pffft! I'll handle the jokes around here!"
  • "Well, bully for you!"
  • "What!? You mean she's telling the truth."
  • "Immortal?"
  • "Oh shut up! (kicks Batman on the head) After you, my dear."
  • "This is your big opening night, Batman. What's keeping you? Get your cute little ass to the movie theatre. NOW!"
  • "Helloooo! Batman! You can hear me, right? It's just, you don't seem to be coming to the movie theatre and I'd hate for you to read the spoilers on the internet again."
  • "Where are you, Batman?"
  • "Well, this is just rude, Batman! I've laid on all this entertainment at the movie theatre and you can even be bothered turning up."
  • "Where are you, Batman? I've got your premiere ticket right here in my pocket. It's right here, next to the gaffer tape and the pliers."
  • "Why are you taking so long, Batman? Oh, hold on, I get it. You want me to off this annoying woman, right? I mean, she does go on a bit with all that I am the great blah, blah, mystical mumbo jumbo. I tell you what. I'll do it. But you owe me, OK?"
  • "I'll see you soon! BYEEEE!"
  • "Hurry up and take your seat, Batman. The show's about to begin."
  • "Now you want to talk. Too late Batman. Give me the cure!"
  • "Encore! More! Bravo!" (Coughs)
  • "Not always, heh, well, sometimes." [coughs]
  • "Confusing, isn't it? I know I'd want to know just what the hell is going on if I were you.[Laughs, then coughs] Let's just say in times like these, it's important to keep up [coughs] appearances. But first, if you would be so kind... Hand. Over. My. Cure.""
  • (Spoilers)"Ladies and Gentlemen, for one night only, standing in for yours truly, ha, and doing a damn fine job of it, I bring you... CLAYFACE!"
  • "You're making me late for my spa treatment. I mean, it's not like you got a girl to save anymore, is it?" [laughs] "Oh, I'm sorry, too soon?" "Would a change of scenery help ease the pain?"
  • "Get out of my way, Bats. I've got a date with immortality!"
  • "Quick, the cure! Oh, what are you waiting for? C'mon! I killed your girlfriend, poisoned Gotham, and hell, it's not even breakfast. But so what? We all know you'll save me."
  • "Think of it as a running gag."
  • "No!"
  • "Are you happy now?"
  • "That actually is...pretty funny." - Joker's final words.

Challenge Maps 

  • "Welcome to Joker's House of Fun!"
  • "Let's see what's happening tonight in Joker's Fun House!"
  • "Now, who's in the soon-to-be-dead corner tonight?"
  • "Who's brave enough to come here and pick a fight?"
  • "Shall we see who's come here to fight tonight?"
  • "It's the Bat himself! Give him a big hand!"
  • "Well, what do you know? It's the caped crusader himself!"
  • "It's the dark knight defective himself! Batman!"
  • "It's Batman!"
  • "As I live and breathe, it's Catwoman!"
  • "It looks like the kitty cat has come to see just how many lives she has left!"
  • "It's Catwoman!"
  • "Didn't I kill you already? No? Well there's always time, right? Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for... Robin!"
  • "It's the boy wonder! Robin!"
  • "It's Nightwing!"
  • "Nightwing? I was hoping for the big guy, but, I guess you'll do."
  • "Who the hell are you? Just kidding! It's Nightwing!"
  • "What are you trying to do down there? Put them in hospital?"
  • "Someone call the hospital."
  • "Does someone need a doctor down there?"
  • "Keep away from the fists, boys!"
  • "Try and keep away from the fists!"
  • "Big deal! Anyone could do that!"
  • "Now that one had to hurt!"
  • "Ooh, that looked like it hurt!"
  • "Can you feel that?"
  • "There's more where that came from!"
  • "Just give up!"
  • "Someone's on a roll here!"
  • "Now who's left all those dangerous-looking weapons there!"
  • "Are you getting too much blood in your eyes?"
  • "This will go so much quicker if you just stop fighting!"
  • "Go easy on them!"
  • You're supposed to be the ones hitting!"
  • "Ooooh!"
  • "Ka-boom!"
  • "This is not going my way!"
  • "Hey! Take it easy on 'em!"
  • [Ninja Assassins' entry] "But can you deal with Ninjas?"
  • "You know what this fight needs is more ninjas!"
  • "It's slice and dice time."
  • "Did I hear someone ask for mystical ninja assassins?"
  • [Sickle's entry]"Get ready for the heavy weight champions!"
  • "Look at the size of that guy! You don't stand a chance!"
  • "It's time for... me!" [Joker's entry after you get 100x combo]
  • "Do you want me to come in there? Well OK then."
  • "Oh, you ask for this! Just remember that, when I kick your do-gooder behind."
  • "He won!? Him!? I am very disappointed, boys."
  • "Not happy, boys! It's like you didn't even try to hurt him!"
  • "How did he win? Did you idiots not even try to beat him!?"
  • "And the winner is Catwoman. Oh, someone pass me a gun!"
  • "She won? Her! How did she beat all you ugly idiots!?"
  • "You let her win!? Booo!"

Predator

  • "Boom! One man down. It's looking like a re-run of last time."
  • "Oooh. I think I just heard someone's skull cracking against that nice hard floor. Mind the bloody puddle."
  • "Is that the sound of one of your faces hitting something hard? I hope so."
  • "Someone's missing in there. Is it you?"
  • "Boom. And the quarterback is toast. Oh, sorry, I wasn't paying attention. Did someone just get taken out down there?"
  • "I'm just dying to see which one of you losers Batman takes out first. Let me see, eenie, meenie, miney, mo."
  • "That's two down. Do you realize how much it costs training you guys? It really isn't that much."
  • "Three down! Not happy, boys."
  • "Two? Two? You'd fit right into old melty face's gang."
  • "Only one of you left. What a shame."
  • "Don't let me down, boys. If you do, I may have to drop you, too."
  • "I really hope you won't let me down here, boys. But if you do, I won't be cross. I'll be dead and Harley will be really upset. And seriously, you don't want to see that."
  • "He's making you idiots look like fools. That's my job!"
  • "At this rate, I'll be out of idiot henchmen before the end of the night."
  • "You boys have got the same helpless terrified look in your eyes as my doctor did when he told me I was sick. I said, you think that's sick? Take a look at this!"
  • "Do you want me to get Abramovici down there for a motivational speech? I hear that he's got a way of hammering the point there."
  • "I am very disappointed in you boys. Really, you're all dead to me now."
  • "Do you need a motivational speech about now? OK. I think you are all going to die down there. And this will be the last voice you hear before you cross over to the other side. And I am very, very, very disappointed in you."

Arkham Knight

  • "This is how it happened. This is how the Joker died."
  • "Miss me?"
  • "Bruce, Bruuuuce. Can you you hear me, Bruce?"
  • "Oh don't act all surprised Bats, you knew this was going to happen sooner or later, me stuck deep down inside you!"
  • "Together we're going to give this city what it deserves! A new Batman, a better Batman, a darker more-- Well we can come back to this later."
  • "First, we need to settle on some priorities, sure you saved this city by reducing the blast, but Ace chemicals is still about to explode! We just need something strong enough to rip out a wall... and no, I'm not talking about you, ya big lump!"
  • "You need to start looking after yourself, after all you're brooding for two now."(Laughs)
  • "Oh bats I've missed you. All the subtlety and nuance of a napalm enema."
  • "I've really got to hand it to Scarecrow. I've never been a fan of his concoctions up to now, but this batch, it's (chuckles) intoxicating. It really brings out the me in you." (To Batman after he leaves Ace Chemicals.)
  • "I can't wait to see the look on his face when you tell him his daughter's been kidnapped and it's all your fault! This is going to be classic!"(About Oracle being kidnapped by Scarecrow)
  • "You've got to tell him it's your fault at some point, Bats and the great thing is i'll be standing right there when you do."
  • (Flashback)"Candy Gram! Oh don't pass out just yet, come on, show a little spine! Just wait till your father gets home. He's going to be furious after all this mess. (Joker crippling Barbara Gordon)
  • "Nothing like a trip down old memory lane, Eh Bats? And now a front row seat to the main event!
  • "You would've thought old Jim Gordon had been through enough. First a handsome young maniac cripples his daughter, now he's blaming himself for her being taken.
  • "You really should tell him it's your fault, Bats. I'm sure he'll understand. I mean, it's not like you got his daughter killed. Well, not yet anyway the night's still young".
  • "I think that went quite well, considering. Of course I wouldn't have told him, but that's why it's so liberating being me! You've got a lot to look forward to, Bats."
  • "Now that I think about it how did Scarecrow know to go after your IT department? I mean, I had no idea she worked for you when I shot her. I just got lucky. ...Seriously! I was aiming for her head!"
  • "Oh Bats, how very me of you. Though I can see why you didn't tell him after ol' Jimbo's hysterical overreaction."(To Batman, not telling Robin about Barbara)
  • "So let's recap Barbara's kidnapped. And lets face it probably dead. You're lying to lover boy wonder about it and dear old Jim's marched off to save the day.
  • "Not your best day at the office, Bats. Something on your mind?"
  • "You really think he's gonna fix your nasty case of Joker-Itis. Not a chance. I'm chronic Brucie. I'm lingering. We both know there's no cure for me."
  • "Can you remember when it was simple? Back in the old days when it was just you, me, a regular war against crime. Well take a look, Bats. Things change. Now it's war with you standing right in the center".
  • "Remember Talia? Of course you do. How could you forget a girl like that! All it took was one piece of lead to end your hopes if a happily ever after. You blamed me of course, but you were wrong."
  • "You put her in my crosshairs Bats. Sure she didn't do herself any favors, but it was you. You see people trust you. They believe in you.They follow you into your war and you, you are about to get them all killed!" (To Batman about his "Family")
  • "OK this is it, the moment we all have been waiting for. Scarecrow's just down there. So are you gonna stop him and save Oracle? Or am I going to get another hit of one of that delicious gas while you watch helpless as she dies? How do we decide?
  • "Roll up, roll up, it's the "Pick the Real Scarecrow Show!" So where's our first contestant? You. The one with the ears! Step up and have a go. What's your name sir? Bruce? So which one will it be, Bruce? Difficult isn't it, is it the one on the left, or the one the right?"
  • "Bad luck, Bats!" (Scarecrow spraying the Toxin on Batman)
  • "Maybe it's already happened. Look at me! I'm amazing! And this body I can't believe how strong it is!"(After briefly taking over Batman's body)
  • "Come on finish him, look at him he's no better than the creep who killed your parents, you need to do something, You need to stop him. Good." (Trying to convince Batman to kill Scarecrow in a hallucination)
  • "I prefer to call it a work in progress, but it does show potential."( To Scarecrow's comment about Batman's change)
  • "What? We hurry all this way and Crane's killed her already!? He's got no sense of occasion." (When Batman sees Oracle in an illusion)
  • "He heard you. He's wondering how he can live with himself.
  • "Oh you can't bring her back. Let Uncle J take charge. No more bad memories. No more pain. No more fear. Scout's honor!( Trying to take over Batman)
  • "Oh,no!"(Disappointed in Batman he's still trying to save Gotham with Poison Ivy)
  • "I thought for sure you were going to tell him. Come clean like you did with Gordon. But you realized why break him now, when we can crush him later. It's classic Joker. Something beautiful truly is happening, Bats.(To Batman about not telling Robin about Barbara's death)
  • "Poor Harley, wasting time on those not-pale imitations when I'm right here in you! What confuses me is how the hell she found your top-secret Bat base, Bat face? She couldn't find her own reflection when I was ALIVE. It's like something was holding her back."
  • "Ahhh, memories......You, me and a ward full of psychotic killers. You've never felt so at home have you?"
  • "Oh, come on! You think you're different because you never killed anyone? Newsflash! You killed me! I was there remember? You destroyed my cure, right in front of me! Watched me choke on my last laugh.
  • "And then after killing me, you said you would've shared! You couldn't admit I'd won could you? Not even as a parting gift.....But now I'm on the inside, ooh we both know the truth. Yes, you've killed before. And tonight I'll make you do it again!

Game Over Lines

Batman: Arkham Origins

  • "Awww. Too bad. So sad!" (to Batman)
  • "Oh I'm sorry! Did I kill your friend? Oops! My bad! Haha!"' (to Batman)
  • "Looks like I'm gonna need to find a new playmate. Oh and we were having so much fun, too! Hahahaha!" (to Batman)
  • "Ding dong! The bat is dead! Which old bat? The dumb old bat! Ding dong', the dumb old bat is dead! Hahahahaha!"'' (to Batman)
  • "Aw, I gotta say. I thought you'd have more fight in you. A LOT more fight!" (to Batman)
  • "Deathstroke? Hehehe...More like Death...Joke Hahahahah!" (to Deathstroke)
  • "You may be the world's greatest assassin kiddo, but Joker always gets the last laugh... HAHAHAHA!" (to Deathstroke)

Batgirl: A Matter of Family

  • "It's a little known fact there's a bit of Joker inside us .Come on, kiddo! Let your Joker out!"
  • "Everything is in a smile."
  • "Hey sad clown……turn that frown around."

Batman: Arkham Asylum

  • "Hey! Someone help Bat-baby up off the floor!"
  • "Oh, I'd like to thank my fans for their undying support, and the people of Gotham, who I will be seeing very, very soon."
  • "Gotta say, I thought you'd last longer."
  • "Too easy! Played you like a violin, then cut your strings. Nighty night, Bats."
  • "I salute my fallen enemy!" (blows a raspberry)
  • "That loser didn't stand a chance. I mean look at me!"
  • "Oh, Isn't that cute? Little bat's a-sleepin. Someone finish him off."
  • "Tonight, Gotham, I have defeated your dear Dark Knight. Don't be sad you're next! (Titan Joker)"
  • "One down. Who's next to party with me? (Titan Joker)"
  • "Who else wants to get crazy? (Titan Joker)"

Batman: Arkham City

  • "I figured you'd have a little more fight in you. Guess I figured wrong!"
  • "Oh, Bats! I really figured you'd last longer than that!"
  • "It's okay to die, Bats. I'll be here to protect Gotham. I'll do a real good job!"
  • "Ha-ha-ha-ha-heh-heh"
  • "BWAH-Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-HAAAAAHH!!"

Batman: Arkham Knight

  • "Downside you're dead. But the upside? We've got each other, Bruce Forever!"
  • "This is how it happened. This is how the Batman died." *chuckles*
  • "Bats? Bats?! BAAATS!!!!"
  • "Oops. You're dead! Wait, does that mean I'm dead?! GET UP, BRUCE, GET UP!"
  • "Oh, well. That's what I get for betting it all on black."
  • "Now, if I was in charge this never would have happened!"
  • "Aw, off to see Mom and Pop at that big country club in the sky."
  • "Oh, Bats, you big kidder. You don't fool me. Bats? Bats?"
  • "Don't head towards the light Bruce. It's not fair, they'll never let me in!
  • "Who's going to fight crime now? Robin?" *laughs*
  • "You should take better care of yourself Batsy, there's two of us in there!"
  • "What? You survive everything I ever threw at you only to die now, like this?"
  • "What the? Why is everything gone dark? Are we dying? We better not be dying, Bruce."
  • "Come on, Bruce. You can't die! I didn't kill you!"
  • "That's it, Bats, play dead. We've got' em right where we-oh dear."
  • "I've sat through my own funeral already, now I have to go through the whole thing again?! Thanks for nothing!"
  • "Well, that's one less Gordon to worry about. At least now you won't have to tell her the truth about Babs."
  • "There goes your only lead to finding Barbara. Well, it was fun while it lasted."

Announcements

Arkham City

Industrial District

  • "Welcome, inmates. You are now taking your first, tentative steps towards a better world. A world of fun, mischief and best of all, a world where the only person you need to answer to is yours truly."
  • "I know what you guys are thinking. Is it all true? Is life at Joker Enterprises everything it's rumored to be? Sadly, it is. All of it. But look on the bright side. At least you know what you're getting yourself into and I can promise you this. You'll never leave."
  • "Here at Joker Enterprises, I don't take the best, in fact, looking at some of those bozos, I'm not even sure I take the worst. Most of them definitely missed all the branches of the brain when they fell out of the sky, but you know what? I don't care."
  • "If you're with me, the only things I demand, except for a murderous attitude and stunning good looks, is loyalty and obedience. If you're with me, I can promise you that I will be behind you all the way. Sometimes, that might mean I'm locked up tight in a bomb proof bunker behind you, but don't worry. I'll always make sure that you are there to protect me."
  • "All new recruits will be subject to a mandatory full-body search; inside and out. I know some of you may feel a little uncomfortable at the idea of a giant Russian mercenary performing a full cavity search, but don't worry, he nearly always manages not to tear out anything too vital. You may even enjoy it, I know I did."

Arkham VR

"How do you feel when you put on that mask? Are you hiding from the world or do you want the world to hide away from you? Maybe you feel invincible. You're more than just a man. Or maybe you're just like me. You see that life is nothing but a sick joke and so you choose the face to match! But what happens when we become what we pretend to be? An illusion becomes the new reality. Doesn't even matter. After all, If you find a mask that fits, you'll never need to take it off!" -Joker

Speeches

Arkham City

Steel Mill

  • "Good evening, troops. This is General J with a quick update on what's going down here in Arkham City. As you can see, I'm looking much better. In fact...oooh...I think I'm looking better than ever. Oh, I can hear you all now: "How did this happen?", "Can I get me some of that crazy cure?", "I want answers, damn it! Now!" Well, here's the thing. Answers don't give you everlasting satisfaction. Sometimes you need to brace yourself for disappointment. Now think about it. Imagine your favorite TV show. You've been through it all. The ups, the downs, the crazy coincidences, and then: Bang! They tell you what it's all about. (a familiar-sounding cameraman coughs) Would you be happy? Does it make sense? How come it all ended in a church? You guys just need to know one simple thing. I'm back. Back for good. Now arm yourselves, boys, we've got a prison break to plan. No hostages. No surrender. I know. It sounds like suicide, but listen. Whatever happens...I'll be right behind you."
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